I might break this into multiple posts because there are multiple thoughts but I don't know yet. I don't. I don't. I don't.
I'm tired tonight and that is a bummer because I've wanted to get a post out for a few days now. I had one all ready to go on Friday but I was so tired I was falling asleep sitting up and I thought, foolishly, that my thoughts would last until Saturday. Saturday came and not only wrecked my mental capacity but didn't bring a lot of relief from the fatigue. Sunday came and between the weather and our failing moods due to the change of plans on Saturday I lost the thread even further. Today I feel that if I don't start getting stuff down I never will.
I have a lot of ranty things to say and I'm not sure how much I want to share and how much I want to hold in. I think I need to start a journal so I can full on rant and so that I can remember anecdotes from one day to the next. Long enough to get them out here anyway.
Today, Buttercup blew spitballs in the car. Celia said she was shocked that a 3 year old girl held the capacity to blow spit balls. As I cleaned one off the rear view mirror I said really, a 3 year old girl with 2 older brothers is no different than a 10 year old boy. That and her swearing tendencies solidify that argument. The only thing that redeems her as a 3 year old girl is her penchant for fairy costumes.
That is the kind of thing I feel like I'm losing track of. I already tore last week off the calendar so I can't even remember what we did long enough the relate it here so I'll just start with what I remember.
Leif had his first night game and it was lovely because he got to play on the big field, like a big kid, with stadium lights and all. They won that game, and the next. They've lost only 3 times now. When I asked him if he won the game I missed the other day he repeated my own words to me, and refused to tell me if he won. My words regurgitated were that the feeling he takes home when he wins is a gift he can give to another child when he loses. So really, losing is just the gift of making another 8 year old boy glow inside for the rest of the night. Everyone deserves to glow from time to time.
Apparently, I found out later, he had won that game, but from now on I'm not allowed to ask. It helps though because the one game he's lost since then, he genuinely didn't care. He was happy watching the kid on the other team who got the game ball, knowing the glow went home with someone else that night. It sounds kinda granola, and hippy, and or religious but that sweet peaceful love really makes me feel like I have a chance at succeeding in raising a decent human being.
So that made me think long and hard about the baseball season again. I know I've gone on quite a lot about it lately, and don't worry the season ends soon for little league, so I'll surely stop soon. However, I can't quite express how much of a joy it has been. It takes so much of the daily worry and stress away to sit outside and watch the kids play together. It helps that this is a realized fantasy, better than even because never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be quite this good for us. I knew he wanted to play but I had no idea we'd find such great kids and parents to play with. The feel good vibes when the parents are laughing together on the bleachers, and the kids cheering each other on. The coach telling each one of them how fantastic they are. Plus the winning - of course - have made this a nigh perfect season. I can't decide if it is that feeling I get when we're all sat out there together, all Moms and Dads, loving our kids out on the field that makes me happiest or if is the way the boys talk about their games for days after. Even watching the magical transformation of my husband who was originally against putting the boys in this sport (or any sports), as he sits and tells me what a pure joy it is to watch T - on Leif's team hit home run after home run. Or how J - on Leif's team, catches the ball in the air every time. Or how Leif himself caught a ball and isn't that the most amazing fantastic thing ever? I watch that glowing Daddy pride and that makes me pretty damned happy as well. I'm sure the boys will want to play next year and I feel now that this was a good investment, when money was so tight and the decision to put them in was so angst ridden. In the end, it takes my mind off the rest of the world for a while and that alone is actually probably my favorite thing. The gift of a 2 hour mental vacation several times a week.
I think I might break this post up actually, so it doesn't get too long. We still have to cover our usual chicken debacles and the Powwow.
In the meantime, I'm still waiting to plant things in the ground because we are still under a freeze warning. When I told Brian I didn't want to plant until May 8th which is when the Almanac claims is the last freeze date for my neighborhood he made fun of me. He really did. However, the weather turned cold again and we had to bring the smaller chickens in for the night, as well as all the little plants I refused to put in the ground yet. The weather on Saturday was iffy but the weather on Sunday very nearly pissed me off. I had a hard time not taking this personally because I'd made plans. My mistake right? My problem is I get only so much time off each week and I have to do things in that limited space. There is no room for procrastination or moods or fatigue. When we have time off it has to be moving as fast as possible to accomplish as much as possible until we veer headlong into another week. So when we had a bad day on Saturday and I said - stupidly - that's okay kids/honey we'll finish that tomorrow and then tomorrow comes with 51 mph winds and snow, yes - I took it personally. Especially, when those plans included building a sheet metal shed we'd just spent a small fortune on and the wind ripped the half built shed to bits, flying pieces of sheet metal around the yard at 50mph. Yes, yes, it pissed me off and I became so angst ridden that there was no one I could blame that I ended up also not getting anything else I'd planned done. I tried to buy myself off by cooking the planned dinner, even though it was planned for outside. Oh, and before you blame me for not checking the forecast know that even the weather channel gets it wrong sometimes. I'd had the forecast up all week. That pretty much sums up what I have to sum up today. I'll post the chickens and powwow separately.
So to sum up, baseball good. Spring, eh. Wind - can go to freaking hell.
I'm tired tonight and that is a bummer because I've wanted to get a post out for a few days now. I had one all ready to go on Friday but I was so tired I was falling asleep sitting up and I thought, foolishly, that my thoughts would last until Saturday. Saturday came and not only wrecked my mental capacity but didn't bring a lot of relief from the fatigue. Sunday came and between the weather and our failing moods due to the change of plans on Saturday I lost the thread even further. Today I feel that if I don't start getting stuff down I never will.
I have a lot of ranty things to say and I'm not sure how much I want to share and how much I want to hold in. I think I need to start a journal so I can full on rant and so that I can remember anecdotes from one day to the next. Long enough to get them out here anyway.
Today, Buttercup blew spitballs in the car. Celia said she was shocked that a 3 year old girl held the capacity to blow spit balls. As I cleaned one off the rear view mirror I said really, a 3 year old girl with 2 older brothers is no different than a 10 year old boy. That and her swearing tendencies solidify that argument. The only thing that redeems her as a 3 year old girl is her penchant for fairy costumes.
That is the kind of thing I feel like I'm losing track of. I already tore last week off the calendar so I can't even remember what we did long enough the relate it here so I'll just start with what I remember.
Leif had his first night game and it was lovely because he got to play on the big field, like a big kid, with stadium lights and all. They won that game, and the next. They've lost only 3 times now. When I asked him if he won the game I missed the other day he repeated my own words to me, and refused to tell me if he won. My words regurgitated were that the feeling he takes home when he wins is a gift he can give to another child when he loses. So really, losing is just the gift of making another 8 year old boy glow inside for the rest of the night. Everyone deserves to glow from time to time.
Apparently, I found out later, he had won that game, but from now on I'm not allowed to ask. It helps though because the one game he's lost since then, he genuinely didn't care. He was happy watching the kid on the other team who got the game ball, knowing the glow went home with someone else that night. It sounds kinda granola, and hippy, and or religious but that sweet peaceful love really makes me feel like I have a chance at succeeding in raising a decent human being.
 |
| On the big field, at night, with stadium lights |
So that made me think long and hard about the baseball season again. I know I've gone on quite a lot about it lately, and don't worry the season ends soon for little league, so I'll surely stop soon. However, I can't quite express how much of a joy it has been. It takes so much of the daily worry and stress away to sit outside and watch the kids play together. It helps that this is a realized fantasy, better than even because never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be quite this good for us. I knew he wanted to play but I had no idea we'd find such great kids and parents to play with. The feel good vibes when the parents are laughing together on the bleachers, and the kids cheering each other on. The coach telling each one of them how fantastic they are. Plus the winning - of course - have made this a nigh perfect season. I can't decide if it is that feeling I get when we're all sat out there together, all Moms and Dads, loving our kids out on the field that makes me happiest or if is the way the boys talk about their games for days after. Even watching the magical transformation of my husband who was originally against putting the boys in this sport (or any sports), as he sits and tells me what a pure joy it is to watch T - on Leif's team hit home run after home run. Or how J - on Leif's team, catches the ball in the air every time. Or how Leif himself caught a ball and isn't that the most amazing fantastic thing ever? I watch that glowing Daddy pride and that makes me pretty damned happy as well. I'm sure the boys will want to play next year and I feel now that this was a good investment, when money was so tight and the decision to put them in was so angst ridden. In the end, it takes my mind off the rest of the world for a while and that alone is actually probably my favorite thing. The gift of a 2 hour mental vacation several times a week.
I think I might break this post up actually, so it doesn't get too long. We still have to cover our usual chicken debacles and the Powwow.
In the meantime, I'm still waiting to plant things in the ground because we are still under a freeze warning. When I told Brian I didn't want to plant until May 8th which is when the Almanac claims is the last freeze date for my neighborhood he made fun of me. He really did. However, the weather turned cold again and we had to bring the smaller chickens in for the night, as well as all the little plants I refused to put in the ground yet. The weather on Saturday was iffy but the weather on Sunday very nearly pissed me off. I had a hard time not taking this personally because I'd made plans. My mistake right? My problem is I get only so much time off each week and I have to do things in that limited space. There is no room for procrastination or moods or fatigue. When we have time off it has to be moving as fast as possible to accomplish as much as possible until we veer headlong into another week. So when we had a bad day on Saturday and I said - stupidly - that's okay kids/honey we'll finish that tomorrow and then tomorrow comes with 51 mph winds and snow, yes - I took it personally. Especially, when those plans included building a sheet metal shed we'd just spent a small fortune on and the wind ripped the half built shed to bits, flying pieces of sheet metal around the yard at 50mph. Yes, yes, it pissed me off and I became so angst ridden that there was no one I could blame that I ended up also not getting anything else I'd planned done. I tried to buy myself off by cooking the planned dinner, even though it was planned for outside. Oh, and before you blame me for not checking the forecast know that even the weather channel gets it wrong sometimes. I'd had the forecast up all week. That pretty much sums up what I have to sum up today. I'll post the chickens and powwow separately.
So to sum up, baseball good. Spring, eh. Wind - can go to freaking hell.
