I used to say that the fastest precursor to an emergency room trip in our family was hearing
"To Infinity! And Beyond!"

Today, I heard this:
"Queak's getting his ears pierced, and it's free!"

Me "when, from whom? Where?"

"Right now! In the living room!"
(one day my children will realize their mistake is telling me first - in the meantime I get to have the sunken heart by being their little rain cloud - even when they are ingenious little people.)

Me "huh, ha ha, ummm, no."

"BUT! We're using a yucca needle, it's totally safe!"

Me "what?"

"Yeah, that's how the real natives do it, and how it's supposed to be done - and we have the needle, and he's ready to go."

Me "This isn't a good idea - I mean - at the moment" (coward)

"BUT! We cleaned and sanitized the needle - and he WANTS this to happen - why not?"

Me "ummmmmmmm, welllllll, it has to be done very precisely, we'll have to read about the method before we actually attempt this, you can't just do the piercing"

"So I should untie him? What do I do with the needle and the towels?"

Buttercup "Well, I'll tell you what they do, those ear piecing girls. They pierce things, ears and faces. Here, here, here, here, here and here - oh and noses - he's safer at home."